Being Petty in Divorce: You are Hurting You

Considered one of my least favourite phrases is petty, and being petty actually bothers me. Typically I catch myself being petty, and all it does is make me really feel badly about myself. Once I see others performing petty, it bothers me loads. Being petty in divorce occurs loads. I see it.

Based on The Free Dictionary, if one thing is petty, which means it’s trivial, not of huge significance. I’m not saying divorce is trivial, what I’m saying is, divorced folks generally make a giant problem out of petty issues. Additionally, being petty means an absence of generosity.

Listed here are some examples of being petty in divorce:

1. A man offers his ex-wife the month-to-month baby assist verify and takes out $35 as a result of he simply purchased his daughter a brand new coat. The man makes over $400,000 per 12 months and he doesn’t really feel like he ought to need to pay the $35. It’s towards the legislation to take cash out of a kid assist verify for something, however the man is aware of the spouse received’t name her legal professional about $35 as a result of one telephone name will value her lots of of {dollars}.

2. A lady simply met her ex husband’s new girlfriend and is burning inside. Not as a result of she desires the husband again, however she’s jealous and resentful that he’s glad. The place’s HER boyfriend?? The husband asks if he can take the youngsters on an evening that isn’t his, as a result of he and the girlfriend need to take them someplace particular. The spouse says no, though she has no particular plans with the youngsters.

3. A man simply misplaced a ruling in divorce courtroom and he’s pissed about it. How dare the decide award his ex-wife what he so didn’t need to give her. He’s so offended, there’s invisible steam popping out of his head. His thought course of is, ‘How can I get again at her?’ Right here’s what he does. He cancels on her final minute when he’s alleged to have the youngsters, simply so she should scramble for a sitter or cancel her plans.

4. A separated husband and spouse are out for dinner along with their youngsters as a result of their little woman begged for all of them to be collectively on her birthday. The verify comes and each determine to separate it, till the spouse realizes that the man had a beer and tells him so as to add that to his a part of the invoice.

Right here is how I really feel about being petty. It’s very unimportant, it makes folks hate themselves, and the worst one, it’s actually, actually, actually unhealthy for the youngsters.

I notice that there are such a lot of feelings that come into play if you end up going by means of a divorce. The particular person you really liked greater than anybody on the planet at one time is now the one that angers you a lot at occasions, you’ll be able to barely breathe. So, you need to damage that particular person (at occasions) as a lot as you’ll be able to, as a result of he has damage you. Or, he left you. Or he cheated. Or, you’ll by no means forgive his unhealthy habits in the course of the marriage. Or, he’s performing so terrible within the divorce that you just simply need to be terrible again.

Individuals in divorce need to damage folks with huge issues and little issues. Massive issues embody making an attempt to get full custody and hold him/her from the youngsters (which is horrific for anybody to do), mendacity in courtroom, litigating for the aim of combating it out, and parental alienation.

However folks typically occasions really feel like if they’ll get to their ex with a bunch of little issues that may worsen the particular person, make that particular person’s life harder, or trigger that particular person to need to spend cash, that that may by some means give them some form of gratification that they want. WRONG!

It would make you are feeling higher to cheat your ex out of 5 {dollars}, or it’d make you briefly glad to secretly know that you’ve got made your ex’s life harder. However give it some thought.

All pettiness does is make the particular person not like themselves!

In the long term, being petty received’t make you are feeling higher.  It can make you are feeling worse. Why? As a result of deep down, you’ll know in your coronary heart that you just have been dishonest, or that you just exhibited unhealthy habits, or that you just damage your youngsters. In different phrases, deep down, you’ll know you acted like a jerk. And looking out within the mirror and realizing that by no means appears good.

Being petty additionally messes along with your karma in life. Do good and good will come to you. Don’t do good and I don’t know what. All I do know is, good issues come round to people who find themselves do-gooders.

Take into consideration the eventualities I listed above. If the husband cancels on seeing the youngsters to harm his ex-wife, he’s actually hurting the youngsters, who need to spend the evening with a sitter as an alternative of their dad. Or the mother who received’t let the youngsters exit with the brand new girlfriend. That’s an evening the youngsters might have actually loved. Persons are petty as a result of they’re offended and damage and they’re in ache. However they don’t notice that the folks they love–the youngsters and themselves, find yourself in ache due to their pettiness.

What if my ex is being petty?

You possibly can’t management the pettiness of your ex. Who you’ll be able to management is you. You possibly can determine you aren’t going to be petty anymore. That’s all you need to do. Simply say you’re not going to be petty anymore and that’s it. Simply say it and also you’ll really feel higher.

Be the larger particular person and let your ex be the petty one. She or he is the one that’s going to need to take care of that horrible feeling of feeling like a jerk who simply damage not solely his self worth and his karma, however the youngsters, too.