Second Marriage After 50: Subjects to Focus on
A member posted this message on the DGS Fb Group web page, relating to second marriage after 50:
What matters do you have to ensure you and a companion focus on earlier than you contemplate a second marriage after 50? I’ve learn articles however all of them handle a primary marriage whenever you’re younger. I’d like matters to ensure we focus on at this stage in our lives. We’re each 50 years outdated, we each have careers, and we each have older youngsters.
Right here’s my recommendation:
Second marriage after 50! Wow! Isn’t it great? Just some years in the past, you bought divorced, and possibly by no means dreamed a few second marriage. Nicely, right here you’re: excited and giddy and glad, but I’ve to consider that each divorced particular person walks right into a second marriage with just a little little bit of skepticism, a specific amount of concern, and on a optimistic notice: much more knowledge.
Numerous divorced {couples} discover a glad, wholesome romantic relationship and keep in it for years and years with out feeling the necessity to get remarried. There’s definitely nothing mistaken with that, and if others begin pressuring you, simply smile and say, “We’re actually glad.”
However let’s say you now have a hoop in your finger and second marriage is imminent. Let me reply my reader’s query and handle what matters it’s best to focus on earlier than leaping again into marriage.
Listed here are 5 matters it’s best to focus on together with your companion earlier than getting right into a second marriage after 50:
1. The funds.
I must say that funds are the primary factor needing to be mentioned when going right into a second marriage after 50. First, sit down and have an in depth dialog–as uncomfortable as it could be, about who’s paying for what. What occurs if one loses his/her job 0r is unable to work? Having all the small print labored out earlier than the nuptials will take all of the strain off and keep away from any surprises and/or potential arguments.
“What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine,” is a extremely actually dangerous angle in a second marriage after 50. After getting the considerably awkward dialog, everybody is aware of what to anticipate and goes into the wedding with no unrealistic expectations.
2. The youngsters-no matter how outdated they’re.
What if Joey (who’s 27) wants to maneuver again dwelling for a couple of months? Is the opposite particular person OK with it? What if Jenny needs to have dinner along with her dad as soon as per week with out you? Will that be just right for you? Youngsters, irrespective of how outdated they’re, generally have points with step mother and father. It’s important to be prepared for that and know going into the wedding that life in the case of his/her youngsters, may not all the time be rosy.
Keep in mind that whenever you marry her or him, you’re marrying the children, too. Should you really love her or him, you’ll put up with the generally dangerous habits that step youngsters can exhibit, and admire them for who they’re, with out unrealistic expectations.
3. The family.
Who’s doing the cooking? Who’s cleansing? Are you OK together with his moist towels on the ground? What are you able to ABSOLUTELY not put up with? Inform him now or perpetually maintain your peace! Really, that’s not good recommendation. Once you do transfer in collectively, if one thing is bothering you, inform her or him in a pleasant means, instantly. Don’t let issues fester and construct up resentment.
Additionally, who’s doing what chores? Lastly, have a dialog about what your day by day life goes to be like. Inform her now in case you suppose you want just a little alone time after dinner or through the weekend. Keep in mind that the novelty goes to put on off, and you’ll be married to the true her or him. That’s not a nasty factor, it’s simply actuality.
4. Retirement.
Having a dialog about retirement is big! Does he know whenever you need to retire? Do you will have this concept about shifting to Florida in a couple of years? In that case, higher to deliver it up earlier than the marriage, so simply in case he says “Let’s transfer to Arizona,” and also you hate excessive warmth, you don’t end up in a relationship that’s geographically undesirable! Additionally, it’s vital to share retirement funds. Understanding how a lot every particular person has of their retirement financial savings will assist you understand what you’re entering into.
Then, you need to speak about who might be supporting who and in case you are OK with that. Additionally, what occurs if one in every of you will get sick or will get to the purpose the place you want full-time assist (which means a caregiver)? Many {couples} determine to take out long-term care insurance coverage that can pay for a caregiver or for the particular person to dwell in an assisted residing group. It’s a horrible thought, however higher to be ready!
5. Will and Property Planning.
Maybe essentially the most uncomfortable dialogue to have is the one about your loss of life. However, it’s additionally very essential! First off, each individuals getting married ought to have an up to date will and belief. That’s a given! Secondly, let’s say you’re shifting into your new husband’s home and his identify is on the deed. You may need to have a doc drafted about him permitting you to dwell in the home for the remainder of your life, ought to he die first. It’s OK if each of you determine to go away every part else individually for every of your youngsters. However, it’s a dialogue that have to be had. Useful trace: have the dialogue over a glass of wine or two, and make it a optimistic one. Keep in mind that being ready is every part!
In closing, the case for second marriage after 50 is powerful. There are tax advantages, insurance coverage advantages, and social safety and pension plan advantages. Additionally, God forbid one particular person will get sick and/or is hospitalized, the opposite particular person could make medical choices that somebody who’s only a girlfriend or boyfriend can’t.
I’m an enormous fan of second marriage after 50, IF (and it is a massive IF) the scenario is true, the timing is true, and the individuals are getting married for all the correct causes.
How are you aware in case you are getting married for the correct causes? Ask your self these 10 issues:
1. Does this particular person make me glad 97% of the time?
2. Does she or he respect me and vice versa?
3. Do we now have enjoyable collectively?
4. Is that this relationship straightforward?
5. Do I like her or him?
6. Do I am keen on her or him?
7. Do I like myself when I’m with her or him?
8. Do I belief her or him?
9. Would I handle her or him in illness and vice versa?
10. Do I need to develop outdated with her or him?
Should you can reply sure to all of those, then you’re with the correct particular person, whether or not you will have a hoop in your finger or not.
